So i went to family therapy today, and boy, wasnt that just tons of fun. Hah, NO. I yelled at my mother, and made her cry, and when she realized that i didnt even care that she was crying, she cried even harder. She kept trying to tell me what a great life i have and all that other shit she's constantly spouting, and i just dont want to fucking hear it. I want her to understand how much i hate living with her and that "man". I dont want to live in their house, i dont want to have anything to do with them. For christ sakes, i HATE them. She keeps saying that she thinks our family can be put back together and that everything can get better, but it CANT. It cant because i hate them too much, im never going to be happy being in their house. On the upside, my father has decided to let Brendan and his dad come over for dinner as soon as Brendan's dad can do it. So maybe after that Brendan will be allowed to come over, and once that happens things should get better between us. Once we can see eachother regularly, things are gonna get a whole lot better.
The second thing that i want to discuss today, is The stuff i talked about in like the post before last :O How brendan and i have grown apart, and how he's attracted to other girls and things. That just about killed me inside, not that im going to tell him that. And the fact that he's ALWAYS with angel, or spending the night with other girls without me there. Yeah, its not like anything would ever happen, its not anything like that, it just BOTHERS me. So. Much. Like omfg, but i wont tell him that. I dont want to tell him what he can and cant do, and i did bring it up one time but i told him he didnt have to leave or stop going over there. It jsut bothers me, and the few friends ive talked about it with said it would bother them too. So am i wrong for being bothered by it.? I dont know. But i am, i freaking hate it to be perfectly honest. And as for being attracted to other girls and stuff... How did that even happen.? I mean ive felt us growing apart and stuff, but i had no idea that we had grown THAT far apart. Im still totally unnattracted to other guys and girls and stuff, nothing has changed except i can feel him pulling away from me. So what happened that made it so easy for things to change with him.? How can i fix it.? Or will it fix itself.? So many questions, and not a single answer..This is probably the most depressing thing that has happened since the whole grounding thing occured. I knew it was going to affect us but i didnt think it was going to change things so drastically. I didnt think he was gonna start liking other girls, or that we were gonna go without really talking for days at a time. Its horrible. I mean, im sure once he comes to dinner and everything then things are gonna go back to normal..rightt.? I want things to be how they were before all this, i want us to be basically perfect again. I mean, no relationship is perfect, but we were pretty damn close. And i want it to be like that again, so bad. I want to be the only girl he's attracted to again, i want to talk to him all day long about everything in the world again, i want to feel close to him again. Surely that wont be too hard to accomplish..? Of course not. It'll be better once im allowed to go places. I jsut hope that doesnt take long, i dont want things to stay how they are for much longer. Its killing me to have things like this, plus i dont want there to be lasting damage. *shudders* I miss him. I miss him so much, and how things use to be. Id do anything to fix things.
Then the next hurdle im going to jump is going to friends houses again. It'll be such a relief to finally be able to leave that house. Things are going to get back to normal, :O hopefully.
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