Ahhhhh;

I thought today would never end, i was jsut sitting there in sixth period, thinking about how much i miss being able to talk to Brendan all the time, and it felt like i spent a week sitting there instead of an hour and a half. I hate not having texting, things were so much easier then. I was able to talk to him, like as much as i wanted, and it was absolutely wonderful. I miss that alot. Today was long, boring, and filled with missing him. And i had a long conversation with Brittany&Jacob about Rachel >.> Apparently brittany and jacob know her quite well, and think shes a giant whore. That certainly makes senseeeee >.< I wish i could stop hating her, but i cant. I mean he promised that he wasnt going to do with anything else while we were broken up, but he had plans to go to her house, and do a bunch of drugs and shit, and do stuff with her. He made it clear that he knew full well that was what was going to happen, if he went, and yet he planned to go anyway. So the fact that he was going to break his word to me, and that he liked her at all, makes me hate with a burning passion. I wish the bitch didnt exist. This is like, the most jealous i have ever been in my entire life, and its fucking ridiculous. I dont know how i let things get so bad, that he was not only attracted to, but wanted to be with someone else. I knew things werent good, but how did they get THAT bad.? Oh well, what does it matter now right.. He's mine, and everything has set itself to rights. I have nothing to worry about from that bitch, not that that makes me not jealous or not hate her. I most definitely hate her. But i'll be nice to her if i meet her tomorrow. Thats another thing on my mind at the moment. Whether my dads finally going to NOT be a dick, and let me go to paidens so that i can go to the mall with Brendan, and then him maybe come over to Brians house. I need this, Our relationship needs this. We need things to seriously start gettting back to normal, to be able to see eachother, and hang out again. Nothing could be better for our relationship at this present time then that. Sometimes i spend hours thinking back to that night, at all the things we could have done differently so that nothing would have changed and things would have stayed perfect, but it only makes me miserable. Im trying to just stick to thinking about things to make our relationship better, instead of focusing on all the ways that i messed it up,. I just want things to get back to normal, i miss him and i miss being happy, and being able to make him happy. I really hope he never decides he wants a break again, i think that would just about kill me. Im trying So hard to keep things good between us, the hardest i possibly can, and i hope he realizes that. But he said the break thing will never happen again, and i believe him. I love that boy.