Today has been hard. Extremely hard. I cant remember ever having been so depressed before. I hate my life :\ I just keep thinking about what he said about spending the night with ashliegh's house with her and rachel and about them wanting to do ex with him. Does this break up mean that he's going to do that now.? What exactly does this mean.? Why does this hurt so bad.? I dont want him to be anybody elses even for a second, and i dont want him to Not be mine. I want things to be how they used to be, i miss all that happiness. Being broken up with him is like... the worst thing to ever happen to me. All day today people were asking me why i was so depressed, why i wasnt talking, when i told them that we were broken up, they all freaked out. Their mouths dropped like that was the most impossible thing in the world to imagine,. And it is. Its so hard to think of us not being together. Like yeah, all the names and stuff we say and the phone calls, none of that has changed, but essientialy, we're still not TOGETHER. And that kills me inside. He keeps acting like it being temporary makes it SO much better, but it doesnt. The fact that he wants this at all kills me. I hardly know how to act, or even who to be without him with him. Everything i did and said, i did with him in mind, and now technically he isnt even mine. How am i supposed to be happy when the love of my life wants a break from me.. I know he doesnt mean for me to feel like this, but i feel like i did something wrong.. or that he's bored of me. Or something. I dont know! I just.. im going crazy and its only the first day. I wonder if he'd think im weird because of this. Everytime he asks me how i am, im absolutely horrible, and he is just fine. Everytime i ask him whats on his mind, its something completely unrelated, and all i can think about is how much he hurt me..
"single with restrictions"
"half-dead relationship"
how could he even say those things to me.? Does he have any idea how much that hurt me.?
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