understood everything you said about why things dont bother you, dont depress you, you dont cry over things etc. But i truly wish you werent that way. I want you to come to me when your breaking down, not deal with it alone. I want you to feel something when im crying, i want you to try and make me feel better, not just say okay and try to change the subject. I want to spill my heart to you, and i want you to spill your heart to me too. I dont want anger to be the only thing you feel. I dont want to and will never hurt you, but the fact that nothing i can do or say even CAN hurt you, hurts me. It may not be true, but it makes me feel like im not important enough to get a reaction out of you. That im not important enough to stir your emotions. I dont ever want you to be depressed over me, or to cry over me, but i want you to be ABLE to,. if that makes sense. I dont want you to be untouched all the time, i want you to FEEL. When we fight, your either angry or perfectly fine. I dont want it to be like that. When you make me feel bad or something, i dont want you to be totally untouched by that. Your emotion are SUPPOSED to be stirred when you do that. When im crying my eyes out, your supposed to feel sympathy and love and try to make me feel better instead of acting like it doesnt matter. You speak of everytime you get hurt, you get a little more numb..Well everytime you dont feel anything at all, it hurts me. ALOT. It makes me feel totally unimportant to you, like my feelings dont matter, like im not one of your priorites at all. Im sure thats not true and im not assuming it is or anything, but thats how it makes me feel. I cry more over the fact that you dont care that im crying then i do over whatever i was originally crying about. Everytime you totally dont care about something i do, say, feel, my heart sinks down to my feet. I want you to care about what i do and say, and care about how i feel. I want to make you happy, and make you smile and laugh. I want you to do the same for me. I want you to come to me when your upset, or depressed, or crying, and i want to be able to go to me. I want to reconnect with you, i want us to find eachother again.
Everytime you make fun of me, or be really sarcastic with me, it hurts me too. There are other ways you could handle it when i dont get something and say something silly, you dont have to make me feel dumb. That just brings me so far down. I always do my best to lift you up, and i just want you to do the same,. I know your a physical person, and we dont get to see eachother as much as we once did, but i dont want you to pull away from me. I dont want you to fall out of love with me, i want you to be completely fallen for me. I want to be the closest person in the world to you, and you to me. I want us to both put in 100% all of the time, and things will be so great. I dont want to miss you anymore. And i dont mean, i miss seeing you and stuff. I mean of course i miss you in that way, but i mean, i dont want to miss MY Brendan. I dont want to miss the boy who did everything he could to make me smile, who never brought me down, who i felt like i could go to with absolutely everything, who always made me happy when i was crying. I know that boy is still in there, and you said you found your motivation. So be that boy again. We will both be so much happier. <3. Im so deeply in love with you. I just want everything to be wonderful with us again. I know things are stressed and whatnot, but they still dont have to be like this. We can still be close and whatnot. I want to have heart to hearts with you, and tell you every single thing that comes into my mind. I want us to be truly best friends as well as soulmates. And we can be, we can have all of this and so much more together. I love you baby.
