Semi-permanent state of being.

I am so tired, of being alone. I am so tired of coming home to this hell house, never knowing when ill be able to be happy again, when ill get another break. The term "fun" is practically foreign to me these days.

:| stupid..?

I think another reason that i never really tell you when i want things, well things like if i wanted you to come over or walk to me or something, its not just that im afraid of disappointment. I think its also that i want you to do it just to make me happy. Like, if im feeling really depressed, one night and you have teh ability to, i want you to offfer to walk to me to make me feel better. Or if i really miss you and im having a bad day, offer to come over for a little while to cheer me up. I want you to do things like that, without me having to ask you i guess,. Maybe thats too much to ask for, i really dont know.