Id rather die.

You can call me immature, tell me im being dumb, get mad at me, whatever. It wont change how i feel. And what i feel at this given time, is totally fucking destroyed. Its one in the morningg, and he's at her house, rolling. Who knows whats happening,. I feel so sick to my stomach, and im crying so hard. Ive been crying all day long. Did he even stop to think about what this would do to me.? Does he realize that i am completely broken, all because i want him to be happy. Single life, what the fuck. I have given absolutely everything i have to him, done everything to make him happy, and this is how i get repaid.? Hey brooke i wanna be single and fuck around with Rachel, so just wait around for me for a month or so.? Id rather DIE. Him being with her, being without him. It kills me a little more with each passing second. I cant take this, i cant sit back and let him be with her. I want it to be okay, i want to be able to give him this because he wants it, but i just CANT. In everything i do, i try to put him first. I cant put him first with this, it hurts too much. Its like i dont even have a heart anymore. And God knows how ill feel about him once i know what hes done with Rachel. Can he really expect me to feel exactly the same about him after that.? After knowing that he left me and went off and did whatever the fuck he wanted while i sat and cried in various peoples arms.? I will never not love him, but things will never be the same after this. This pain will stick with me so long, and its so strong. Its overpowering, it totally consumes me. Im trying so hard to make everything okay, to get through this, because yeah, i know, she only gets him for a little while but hes mine forever. That doesnt make it hurt any less that he wants her at all, that left me when he said he never would, that he broke my heart. I cant erase those things, nobody can. I wish i could, i wish i had done thigns differently or whatever, so that this would never have occured. I wish I wasnt crying my eyes out right now. I wish so many things