For the sake of his happiness;

As each second passes, and it gets closer to the time when he's at her house, doing God knows what with her, the pain in my body increases. It feels like i cant breathe, i cant think. The tears havent stopped falling all day. Im okay with this merely on the surface, because i want him to be happy. But at the same time, i want to tell him its me or her, that he cant have the best of both worlds. That he cant leave and expect me to wait for him. But i cant, i cant do that to him, to me, to us. I want so badly for him to want only me, but i cant have that. At this moment, i cant have anything i want. So for the sake of his happiness, ill lay here crying my eyes out with my arms wrapped around myself, because im trying to pretend that its him holding me. The idea of her in his arms, her lips on his, it breaks my heart,. All of this breaks my heart, but no. I wont say a word. Love is not beautiful when your lungs are caving in, your brains frying, the tears wont stop falling, and your chest burns like someone set it fire. But it is worth it. ;( ;x