This break, is the closer then the closest i ever thought i would be to being unable to forgive Brendan. I want to be okay with all of this, i want to stop thinking about it, i want to be able to give him this. Im trying SO hard not to dwell on this, but its just not working. Id rather die then have him with Rachel or anybody else. It disgusts me, Its almost to the point, where HE disgusts me. I just dont understand, why he would rather be single. Yeah, he never got to have that. Okay, and.? Who in their right mind would want it, its just going through day after day, messing around with a bunch of people who mean hardly anything to you. I dont want him to come back to me because he feels like he has to, or out of pity, but i dont want to be without him because he wants other girls. It breaks my heart that he wants other girls enough to leave me and go off with them. I almost wish i could do the same thing, but i cant. I love him too much,. I wish i could be happy without him, and go be with other people easily, but its too much. All of this is just too much.
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